If visits before weren't weird enough,they certainly are now. I was able to visit my mom, with my kids, three times before lock down. Then the nursing homes where locked down for about two and a half months and I couldn't see her at all. Honestly it was a bit of a relief because visiting her always gave me anxiety and my kids always had to come to get me through it. But that's another story. Once the nursing homes finally were allowed to have visitors it could only be one family member once per week. I am the only family member in town so it had to be me and without my kids. I had to get tested for covid-19 as well. Not a pleasant experience. It was like getting heavily chlorinated water up your nose and lighting it on fire. The fire part was a description my sister used and I feel it fits. I actually asked the nurse if my nose was bleeding knowing that it wasn't but feeling like it could be. Now comes the actual visit. I thought I would get to sit beside my mom or a least close to her since I had to wear a mask and I tested negative. But no. They had those potable folding tables and made us sit at either end or tried to. I sat, but my mother wouldn't sit. She wanders all the time now and is easily distracted. So I sat, and a worker walked with her around the little garden they had out front where they had the outdoor visitation set up. So I sat and sort of talked or said random things as she went by. The whole thing was weird, which settle my anxiety pretty quickly. My sister and her family came for a visit from Toronto. She wanted to see mom so she got tested and I got re-tested because the tested are only good for 14 days. The second time wasn't so bad for me, she would tell you otherwise. We managed to squeeze in two visits with mom this time. They are now allowing 2 family members to visit together so I didn't have to go alone. One yesterday and one 2 days before that. The first visit she seemed grumpy to me. My sister persevered and made the most of it. This was an "indoor" visit that ended with us taking her out to the garden because she wouldn't sit. She wanted to leave. I tried to show her a video of my daughter painting thinking that because she looked like I did as a child it would make her smile. And of course it didn't. But that point she said "oh, another kid" and kept walking. That visit bothered me so much that I couldn't sleep the night before our next visit. I was up from 1 or 2 a.m. until about 4 a.m. then cried in bed and then my hubby got up with me and we watched a show about invasive species or something. It talked about snakehead fish anyway. The second visit was either a better visit or similar enough to the previous one that it hasn't bothered me yet. We were allowed to stay much longer because my sister was from out of town and we could stay in the fenced in garden again. A kitchen worker had come out for her lunch break and she was actually able to get my mom to sit down for about 5 minutes beside her on the swing. She was a charming girl from I believe Indonesia or someplace similar and was living with someone else's mom who had dementia as well. She and her family (2 kids I believe) were able to stay at the house for free and provided free care to woman on behalf of the daughter who only had to pay for care on the days she worked. I thought that was a nice arrangement. I enjoyed talking to her while my mom and sister wandered around the garden some more. She was the kind of person that understood dementia without really knowing much about it. I was nice to able to talk to someone who understood what it was like to care for someone with dementia but also was very compassionate and sensitive toward the families it affected. She seemed to understand why I couldn't continue to look after my mom, and why the daughter couldn't continue to look after her mom. It's very painful and stressful when it's family.
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For my mother...
She was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. ArchivesCategories |
Photo used under Creative Commons from kuhnmi